International Women’s Day has come and gone but the whole of March is Women’s History Month, particularly in the US, so the entire month is dedicated to them.
What this means is that – gents, you can keep the sweet words on social media and the good behavior at home going for a few more days, if it will kill you to be darling to women for the rest of your life!
On this month of all months, Kemen, a former Big Brother Naija contestant was bundled out of the house for sexual harassment, for groping T-boss while she was fast asleep. Watch the disturbing video below:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oz1mqzkqjts
The response to Kemengate on social media has been fascinating, with most folks belonging to the school of thought that Kemen was flat out wrong because T-boss hadn’t consented to the interaction, while pockets of people tried to shift the blame to T-boss by posing questions like- what was she doing on his bed? She must have felt Kemen’s touch, why didn’t she react? And so on. It is obvious that so many of us, both men and women, need a crash course on rape culture and what is considered sexual consent and what isn’t.
For the avoidance of doubt, Kemen did sexually harass T-boss. T-boss put herself in a compromising position by sharing a bed with him and having way too much to drink that night but that does not in any way translate to an open invitation – consent is something that is explicitly obtained not implicitly assumed. At the time when Kemen initiated contact, T-boss was in no position to say a yes or a no, that right was taken from her. As far as we know also, there was no prior encounter where T-boss had given Kemen the permission to touch her in that way, so he cannot lay claim to any prior encounters as justification that T-boss would have consented to this one if she was fully awake and sober.
But there is more context – in the Big Brother House, T-boss is a mastermind and is known to be full of games. However, if Kemen had listened to Dremo’s forewarning months ago and heeded the advice of the urban philosopher, he wouldn’t have been caught up in any of those games. Listen to Dremo’s take on sexual consent on “Ojere”, a song he released in the middle of last year.
These girls dey fumble them dey form hard to get – ojere
If she wan dey long you bros, abeg use your handu – ojere
Simple. Gents, if you’re alone with a lady and she isn’t consenting to your advances, keep your hands to yourself or better still, take matters into your own hands, wash your hands afterwards and go to bed.
Masturbation is one of the best ways to ease off sexual tensions, it’s like a restart button – use it. Dremo offered this amazing piece of advice on “Ojere” his biggest record since signing to Davido Music Worldwide (DMW). The talented rapper has released other singles since then but this song in particular presents a teachable moment on the meaning of sexual consent from a very unlikely source.